How I "spent" my day

Over the past few days my jaw became all swollen and it hurt like hell so my daughter got me an appointment with the dentist as I thought I needed some teeth yanked out.  When I got to the office Huldah sat me in a sort of leatherette chaise lounge chair, left, and stayed gone for about a half hour.  When she returned she asked how I was doing?  I told her not overly well, my teeth hurt.  She told me I needed an Xray.  She led me to a torture room where she placed me standing with my head on a plate and a stick in my mouth wearing a heavy coat.  She told me to hang in there while this machine sent a pot whirling around my head a time or two.  Okay, enough of that shit.  I was getting dizzy, so they took me back to my lounge chair.

She said, “We’re going to have to pull those teeth.”

I said, “Well that’s what I come for.”

After some more time passed along came this guy in a little brown coat.  He told me he was going to have to pull them teeth.  I decided I was finally getting through to them now.  “However,” he said, “I’ve got to get an impression first.”

I’m thinking that his impression was that he was going to pull the teeth, but instead he had Huldah the Hun (he called her Hun a lot) mix up a batch of some really crazy pudding.  She got out this funny looking cup thingy and put large gobs of the stuff in it, and then put some more in a squeeze tube.  She told me to open wide, and durned if she didn’t start squirting that stuff around inside my mouth like I couldn’t eat by myself.  When she got done with that she stuffed that entire cupful, cup and all in my mouth and told me not to talk for a while.  Now having two cups of pudding stuffed into a one-cup space is not entirely fun you might guess, but she did it, and let me tell you talk was out of the question.  After an eternity she pulled that entire mess out in one glob.  Whew!

As if that wasn’t enough, she began mixing up another batch of that pudding.  Same routine, except this time she did the roof of my mouth, and told me to breathe through my nose.  I sure as hell was not going to breathe any other way except maybe through a tracheal tube.  When she finally pulled that glob out it was like the first one, all turned into a rubbery mass, and completely ruined as far as having a snack.  Huldah and brown suit looked it over and said that was enough, and they kicked me out the door, after I paid $350 for the pudding.  As I left they told me to come back in about three weeks and they’d pull some teeth.  I hope it’s cheaper than that damned pudding I never did get to eat.