Thursday, October 24, 2013

Keep Refrigerated

While pouring a glass of milk yesterday I noted it said on the carton to "keep refrigerated."

Not wanting to break some law or something I decided this morning to obey the message. I removed all of the shelves in the refrigerator, which entailed removing all of the food items which I placed on the kitchen counter. The milk was on a door shelf so it remained in place.

I then climbed into the empty space to pour my milk without removing it from the fridge. I told my wife I would tell her when I wanted to get back out.

So who knew it was dark in there? Did you realize the little light goes out when you close the door? By feel I got the milk carton and my glass more or less lined up and poured milk in my lap.

I then asked the wife to let me out, but she said later she never heard me say anything. So who knew you couldn't hear through a closed refrigerator door, or is it possible she has selective hearing which only works part time?

Fortunately, after a while, she didn't want her Pepsi sitting on the counter to get warm so she opened the door and I was able to shiver my way back to the kitchen table.

I am now still shivering, eating dry cornflakes, while the little woman with all her wisdom is inquiring if my pants are wet because I was afraid of the dark?

To hell with it, tomorrow the milk is going to be on the table.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

How I "spent" my day

Over the past few days my jaw became all swollen and it hurt like hell so my daughter got me an appointment with the dentist as I thought I needed some teeth yanked out.  When I got to the office Huldah sat me in a sort of leatherette chaise lounge chair, left, and stayed gone for about a half hour.  When she returned she asked how I was doing?  I told her not overly well, my teeth hurt.  She told me I needed an Xray.  She led me to a torture room where she placed me standing with my head on a plate and a stick in my mouth wearing a heavy coat.  She told me to hang in there while this machine sent a pot whirling around my head a time or two.  Okay, enough of that shit.  I was getting dizzy, so they took me back to my lounge chair.

She said, “We’re going to have to pull those teeth.”

I said, “Well that’s what I come for.”

After some more time passed along came this guy in a little brown coat.  He told me he was going to have to pull them teeth.  I decided I was finally getting through to them now.  “However,” he said, “I’ve got to get an impression first.”

I’m thinking that his impression was that he was going to pull the teeth, but instead he had Huldah the Hun (he called her Hun a lot) mix up a batch of some really crazy pudding.  She got out this funny looking cup thingy and put large gobs of the stuff in it, and then put some more in a squeeze tube.  She told me to open wide, and durned if she didn’t start squirting that stuff around inside my mouth like I couldn’t eat by myself.  When she got done with that she stuffed that entire cupful, cup and all in my mouth and told me not to talk for a while.  Now having two cups of pudding stuffed into a one-cup space is not entirely fun you might guess, but she did it, and let me tell you talk was out of the question.  After an eternity she pulled that entire mess out in one glob.  Whew!

As if that wasn’t enough, she began mixing up another batch of that pudding.  Same routine, except this time she did the roof of my mouth, and told me to breathe through my nose.  I sure as hell was not going to breathe any other way except maybe through a tracheal tube.  When she finally pulled that glob out it was like the first one, all turned into a rubbery mass, and completely ruined as far as having a snack.  Huldah and brown suit looked it over and said that was enough, and they kicked me out the door, after I paid $350 for the pudding.  As I left they told me to come back in about three weeks and they’d pull some teeth.  I hope it’s cheaper than that damned pudding I never did get to eat.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Do you see that old tree?  I placed it right in the center to draw your attention to it.  I believe it is a White Pine, a species that lives for hundreds of years.  This one is quite obviously an aged specimen, and probably was fully grown when the first Europeans arrived in the New World.

It reminds me of myself and mortality.  Although it yet stands straight and tall, one can easily note the loss of strength as branches, like muscles, die.  In its elderly state, the top has thinned leaving a rather bony appearance.  Time has taken its toll, and its demise is inevitable.  No man, no living, nor inanimate, object is impervious to time and the ravages of nature.  Trees come and trees go, as does mankind.

I was out and about riding my old Kawasaki ATV when I found myself at an old abandoned gravel pit.  Apparently all of the usable gravel has been removed, and it hasn't been touched in years now.  I roamed around among the vast deep pits, filled with water, like a tourist seeing the sights.
After a while I found a small ditch through which water ran off from the surrounding area into one of the pits.  At some time in the past someone had stretched a plank across it for ease of moving about.  As I sat there contemplating crossing it to see what was over there, a small furry friend came scurrying across the rocks on my side of the ditch.
It seemed it wanted to cross the plank, presumably headed toward home, as its cheeks were full nearly to bursting with food it was taking home for its winter supply.  About the time it got to the edge of the ditch-crossing plank it apparently spotted my presense as it stopped in midstride before crossing.  Not wanting to get caught in the open crossing the plank it stood, cheeks bulging, lost in contemplation of its next move.
I took several photos, as I am wont to do, before I retreated and let the pretty little creature return to its fall food storage duties.

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Recently, here in northern New York, there has been an unusual number of garter snakes present.  I have stumbled on many of them this spring, summer, and early fall.  I happened to take photographs of some of them as we crossed paths.

This first photo is a rarity in my mind.  I was picking blackberries along a fencerow that has grown up to bushes.  I had picked a small containerful, and was nearing the end of the fencetow when I reached for a succulent berry only to note this garter snake inches from my hand.

I realize they are relative harmless, yet I recoiled a bit.  I had previously never seen a snake up off the ground in a bush such as this one was.  It was around four feet up from the ground, and I believe obviously going for the very same berry I was.  It is also possible it was using the berry for bait in an attempt to lure some hapless victim to dinner.

While out and about on an ATV one fine late summer day, September 19th, to be more exact, I spotted this fine specimen.  It spotted me as well, but seemed in no hurry to leave the area.  We looked each other over for a minute or so while I took several photos.  Ultimately we went our separate ways.  I might guess I've had as many as twenty such encounters this year, where other years two or three might be more common.  There abundance may have something to do with weather, but that is merely speculation.